SunnyDale’s Haven for Addicts and other persons
by Draco135-60
Summary: Kaelthas is a head doctor of a psychiatric institution for warcraft characters.Be afraid...Be very afraid...
1. Orientation

**SunnyDale's Haven for Addicts and other persons with issues**

**By Draco135-60**

(**Author's Note: **I've decided to take a quick break from my usual story to take in a little humor genre. May the madness begin in earnest.)

**Chapter 1: Orientation**

A lone bloodelf in a lab coat steps up to a podium. He looks down upon the small audience that is chattering among themselves. He adjusts his gold rimmed glasses and flicks back his long, well conditioned blonde hair.

"Alright now, let's settle down! Ahem…Welcome to SunnyDale's Haven for Addicts and other persons with issues, my name is Kael--I mean Dr. SunnyDale. I am the founder of this institution and head doctor. Now I know what you're first question must be…"

A hand shoots up from the audience. Dr. SunnyDale, although irritated that someone interrupted him, takes the question.

"Sir, you awfully look like a certain bloodelf prince named 'Kaelthas'. And as I have last heard he has been on the lamb and his been hunted by authorities since. He had a 'magic addiction' and you really do look an awful like him from this pamphlet I was handed by the local authorities." Said the reporter with the pamphlet.

The pamphlet reads: "Pyromaniac, Magic Junkie Elf Prince on the Loose! May have floating, green fire orbs rotating around head. Be on the look out!"

"Ahem…I see. Well I will answer that question! But first my good man, I think you have to attend to that fire that's been set on your foot."

"What fir--OW! OWW! HOT! FIRE! HELP! HELP!" The reporter screamed as one of his legs suddenly (by some unknown force) combusted into flames.

"Now are there are any more questions that need to be addressed before I proceed?" Dr. SunnyDale said with a smile.

The crowd uniformly shook their heads as the reporter is cringing in flames.

"Good then I bet your next question would have been, 'What is the SunnyDale's institution's purpose'? The institution was founded to help those who suffer from various addictions. Our vision statement is 'We serve those who don't know when to stop, should stop, and stop immediately before they are beaten, killed, or mutilated in various fashions'. We at SunnyDale's believe it our responsibility and duty to help those who can not help themselves."

Dr. SunnyDale took out a well drawn line graph to display the progress of the institution.

"As you can see from our chart, we have only been in business for a good two months and already we have significant results. We have totally reformed a remarkable amount of patients!"

"How many patients have you 'reformed', doctor?" One of the reporters asked.

"Two and a half."

"Two and…a half?" The reporter cringed.

"Yes…well we had an unfortunate accident upon discharge of that one patient. This involved Goblin dynamites, mind-altering drugs, and the fact that we have a fat, lazy Pandaren as our only orderly."

The reporters turned to a corner of the room to see a big Pandaren in scrubs, sleeping on a small chair. The Pandaren woke up for a moment.

"Yo!" the Pandaren motioned his paw as a salutation and then went back to sleep.

"Yes…but overall I think that one was a huge success. Why don't we all take a trip down to one of the sessions in progress! This way and if you happen to hear random screaming from one of the other rooms, do not be frightened. We're in the process of testing our Giant Spider Bite therapy."

The crowd tentatively followed Dr. SunnyDale as they stepped over the burnt corpse of one of their fallen reporters.

They walk through a long corridor and as promised heard various screams along the way. Some of the screams were cut abruptly short by chainsaw sounds or a gnashing sound of teeth.

They finally reach a room where a Nightelf with a clipboard and a notebook had a circle of patients in chairs and chains.

"Now here you see, Diana. She is one of our most valuable staffers in the institution. As you can see she has very big…assets to offer the institution. And nice set of…credentials! Yes, she has a very nice, supple set of credentials. Right."

"Are you alluding to her boobs, sir?" One reporter pointed out.

"Boobs? What the devil are you talking about? I wasn't alluding to…Shut up! We will now observe the session in progress."

Diana sat up from her chair and presented herself to the session members.

"Hello! My name is Diana Moonstag and I will be your session therapist! Before this I was a Sentinel back in Kalimdor. I previously enjoyed slaughtering demons and anyone who defiled my homeland but decided I wanted a career change. I would like to welcome you all to your first session! Why don't we all go around the room and introduce yourselves? How about you first?" Diana pointed to one of the patients.

A ragged looking dwarf with bags under his eyes stood from his chair slowly.

"Hiya _hic_ my names Paul _hic _and I'm a_ hic _alcoholic. I may not _hic _look it but _hic_ I have a drinking probrom. And I hope _hic _to get better _hic _so I can start _hic _drinking_ hic _the good ale of life! Ughh…" The dwarf said as he collapsed on the floor.

"Hi Paul…" the classroom responded in a dead tone.

"Alright how about you next?" Diana said cheerfully.

A handsome rogue scratched his mug a few times before he got up.

"Alright beautiful, my real name ain't really important but you can all call me Steve."

"Hi Steve…" the classroom responded.

"To tell you the truth I ain't got a problem. Unless you call being in love a crime. I just love women and women love me."

Diana rolled her eyes and checked her notebook.

"Well you wouldn't be here…'Steve' if you hadn't gone around the country doing naughty bad things to other people's daughters repeatedly _and_ in public. That is why you're in here. And stop staring at my breasts."

"That's kinda hard to do ma'am."

The rest of the circle nods.

"Well then we'll be implementing 'Stabbing your eyes out slowly' therapy on you next week. It seems that you're still in denial about your problem."

"Whoa! Okay maybe I was bluffing about women always loving me. I sometimes get a little love potion in dire situations. By the way, thanks Zul'Min, couldn't have nailed that nurse without you!"

"Ja' mon!" One of the trolls in the circle responded.

"You wait your turn, Zul'Min! We've got a lot to cover on your cannibalism issues last Thursday! Jurias still has those teeth marks on his leg the last time you chewed him."

"Na'mon…Jurias is quillboar! I dot' it was pork chop night, mon!"

"Do we need to take away your shrunken head collection head again? Do we now?"

"Na'mon…Zul'Min be chillin on dis side. No mess with boss lady."

"Alright then! Steve do you have anything else to say?"

"You know under different circumstances this would have been a more pleasant conversation. You know Diana; I'm a magic man with magic hands."

"Hey that's my line!" Cried a bloodelf spell breaker.

"Oh go suck on some demon's magic orbs, Makion! I'm surprised you haven't suffered through withdrawal symptoms yet after 3 minutes into the therapy sessions."

"Withdrawal! What's that! I don't know what withdrawal is! Oh I could really go for some magic right now…Anyone got some! Hey got a vial of magic wellspring water on you? Huh! What! What's that little squeaky voice speaking inside my head! MAGIC, MAGIC, MAGIC!"

Makion breaks out in a cold sweat and continues to mutter to himself. Diana sighs and scribbles on her clipboard.

"Alright…Well we can skip you, Makion. How about you next?" Diana points at an Undead Forsaken man.

"Well I must say I'm a bit confused." The Undead Forsaken spoke with a decadent accent.

"Well introduce yourself to the group before we get to the problem."

"My name is Bael Clothesbringer. My profession is to deliver folded clothes and sometimes pass out towels at a small community river pool. Unfortunately now I think…I'm dead."

"No you're not, Bael. You're _undead_, neither living nor dead."

"You see that is where I am in conflict. How can I be alive when I am technically dead? It's a major contradiction of the two. Can I still be alive while dead? Or can I be dead while alive? I'm completely baffled."

"You're _undead_, Bael. We've been through this. You're neither dead nor alive. You're just an _undead_. You have to start living with that."

"But I'm not living with it. I'm dead."

Diana clears her throat.

"Moving on."

"H3y B055 4dy! Wh3n d0 1 637 my 5u64r!" A young human boy cried out.

"What manner of magic do you speak! Huh? Huh? You got magic on you kid? Huh? Huh!" Makion inquired.

"C4m d0wn, 70mmy." Diana replied to the boy.

"Oh by the fathers of magic, I'm _freaking_ out! The therapist is speaking in some ancient demon tongue!"

"No Tommy here has a special addiction. It is found in a world outside ours. He's just misunderstood in both."

"1 1573n 70 7h3 ch1ck w17h 7h3 b00b5 b3c4u53 5h3 h45 5u64r." Tommy replied.

"Right…well let's get more introductions. How about you?" Diana pointed to an armless knight in full armor.

"Do you mind lifting your helm?" Diana asked.

"Sorry no arms as you can see."

"Yes, well I guess you have to carry on then."

"My name is Sir Thadius the Third!"

"Hi Thadius…" The crowd said dully.

"My doctors tell me I have a problem not knowing when to stop and feel pain during battle. But I always tell them it's only a flesh wound! Really! It is! And they say I'm a glutton for punishment! So what if a little blood squirts out here and there."

"Uh…dude you're bleeding on me." Steve said as he was distancing himself from the blood squirting.

"Is it not nobler for the warrior to fight on despite the harrowing wounds that he has been inflicted with?"

"With what? Are you going to charge up to them and kick their shins?" Steve scoffed.

Thadius gave a royal shin-kicking to Steve. Steve grabbed his leg in pain and rolled out of his chair. Diana just sighed and continued to scribble on her clipboard.

"This is what you call 'rehabilitation', doctor?" One of the reporters asked.

"Ahem…let's move on shall we? Oh and mind the huge fireball about to come at you." Dr. SunnyDale said as he moved down the hall.

"What huge fire--AAAAHHHH! IT BURNS LIKE SO MANY LISTERINE POCKET PACKS! AIEEEEE!"

The remaining pack of reporters continued to follow the doctor down the long corridor again. Along the way they heard many disturbing sounds coming from the different rooms.

"Guns don't kill people…I DOOOO! HA HA HA!"

A multitude of gunshots was heard afterwards.

"How did that get in there? Whoa! That wasn't supposed to happen."

A collage of squishy sounds was heard afterwards.

"It's a bird! It's a plane! It's ME! Yee Haa! I believe I can fly!"

A sickening thud was heard afterwards.

"We have arrived! This ward specializes in patients who are dealing with certain physical deformities that they have yet to overcome mentally lets walk in on one of the confidential doctor-patient sessions shall we?" Dr. SunnyDale opened one of the doors of the many rooms.

A raven haired human doctor was speaking with one of his patients.

"We can't really get to the root of the problem until you tell me what's been bothering you."

"Baa." cried his patient as he was chewing on some grass that was conveniently provided.

"You can evade the issue all you like. But you can't start to heal until you accept who you really are."

"Baa."

"Just repeat after me: I am a respectable sheep."

"Baa."

"Sigh…does this have something to do with your childhood? Or does it relate closer to a problem with your sex life?"

"Ba--Son of a…I'm a damn sheep for crying out loud! I've been turned into a sheep! Why don't you people do something about it?"

"But we are! Don't you see? You've accepted who you are now! We're making progress. That'll do sheep, that'll do."

"Baa…"

"You see here at SunnyDale's we do not only treat those with addictions but also those who suffer from certain psychological and emotional issues. Let's take this couple's sessions as in example"

Dr. SunnyDale moves over to another room with an orc in a lab coat with two of his patients. A spiritual banshee and a high elf were seated aside from each other.

"So you're telling me he doesn't treat you in the same way in your relationship anymore?" The orc therapist asked.

"Yes! Boo hoo….He doesn't even touch me anymore!" The banshee cried.

"How the hell am I supposed to do that! She's a spiritual entity! I couldn't if I tried!"

"See? He admits it too! Boo hoo…"

"Zug Zug…"the orc therapist concurred.

"You liked it better when I was younger and still alive with a flesh body, didn't you!" The banshee cried out against the high elf.

"Well it helped…"

The banshee let out a louder cry. The orc and the high elf shielded their ears until the cries past. The orc therapist wrote down his observations.

"Do you believe there is a problem in the relationship?" The orc therapist asked the high elf.

"Well she used to just nag about her problems. Now its scream of death here and a yell out of hell there! I have big enough ears to hear you just fine!"

"But do you ever listen? Do you!"

The high elf just waved her off and the banshee continued to wail. The orc continued to nod and zug zug through the conversation.

"We here at SunnyDale also have a more famous and infamous clientele treated within the institution. I believe one of our 10 o'clock appointments are here. Let's observe from afar shall we?"

Dr. SunnyDale led the group of reporters into one of the other psychiatric wards.

"Now how did you feel after you were left all alone in this world?" A gnome doctor asked his orc patient.

The orc war chief Thrall sighed and reminisced.

"Well it wasn't an easy childhood. I was raised as a slave to a cruel interment camp master. Pitted into gladiator matches when I was old enough. Had to fight to survive and then escape. Then I had to go through the whole ordeal to find myself. I was an orc and was destined to free my people from the internment camps and the demonic blood curse. Talk about a lot of pressure."

"Hmm…I see." The gnome doctor nodded.

"Anyway then there was the dude that turned to a raven with his mystic mumbo jumbo. I had no idea what compelled me to trust that guy in the first place. I think it was those mushrooms that grew on the side of my door that I ate that night that did it. Otherwise I wouldn't go half way across the world going into a place that I didn't even know existed. But it was great smoking the peace pipe with Cairne back in those times. Well until all the centaurs, night elves, and demons started to attack us out of nowhere. You should have seen the last battle. It was all for a tree! Now I know those night elves love nature and all but it was just a tree! My wolf hound goes to mark his territory on trees but we're all risking our lives for the damn thing! I tell you those night elves got no eye for magical real estate."

"How did you feel afterwards?"

"Well I went on to start my own city. Only to have it ransacked by a bunch of angry sailors under some old prick with a vendetta. What did I do to him? Sure my people ransacked, killed, and destroyed his homeland once but we only did it because the demons told us to."

"So how did you resolve that issue?"

"I had him killed and ransacked the human's island capital."

"Ahh…I see. So are there any other issues you had deal with?"

"Well after the whole 'I hate you-you hate me' thing went on. I had some rotting undead guy come up to me with a letter. The letter said that this Undead faction wanted to join us. That letter blew my mind! I mean everyone's been fighting these guys and now those guys are going at each other. They wanted membership in my club. I couldn't trust these guys but I had to let them in…"

"Why was this?"

"Well you see there's this guy in the Earthen Ring that has a recording orb."

"A recording orb?"

"Yeah it's a magical orb that records stuff. Anyway he has some dirt on me after he recorded what I did at Voljin's last 'Island Bash' party. I should have stayed away from that murloc eye punch. I knew they spiked it with something but I drank it anyway. You would think that I could've at least guessed what was going to come! I'm a damn far seer! I'm supposed to have the FYI on these things! Ugh…I'm so embarrassed."

"And did you--"

"It was not only the Forsaken but those Blood Elves too! We've been at war for ages and only now they want peace? They walk in reeking of demon magic and I suddenly have to be the gracious one. So I let them in too!"

"Why did you let them in?"

"Cairne's son has a thing for this one blood elf girl. I have to deal with them until he gets over it. I tell you his son only had to go through puberty now! Now of all times! Kids now days don't know the stresses of politics. It's enough to drive an orc to drink!"

"Well how about we send you home with the usual dosage of mind-altering drugs and you'll be on your way."

Dr. SunnyDale quickly closed the door and smiled proudly at the crowd.

"As you can see the SunnyDale institution is a well staffed and proper rehabilitation center for all regions of the world. We project that in the future there will be more well adjusted humanoid and bestial like beings in our society."

The fire alarm suddenly went off and the sprinklers were automatically turned on.

"Paging Dr. SunnyDale…Paging Dr. SunnyDale…the goblins got into the dynamite stash again. Please report to what is left of your office immediately." The magical PA system sounded.

"Well this concludes our orientation. If you will excuse I have a multitude of people that I must soon burn in a horrible excruciatingly death. Thank you all for visiting my institution."


	2. New Faculty Member

**Chapter 2: New Faculty Member**

A young human man stares at the job advertisement in the paper.

Advertisement reads: **_SunnyDale institution recruiting! Interns wanted; will be paid substantial wages!_**

"Well…I guess it's better than the mage academy." The young man muttered to himself.

He looked up from the paper and at the strangely designed building. The building remarkably resembled elven architecture and surrounded by an absurdly high wall.

The young man gathered his things and went to the front gate which was guarded by a sleeping Pandaren in scrubs. The young man approached cautiously. The Pandaren seemed to be sleeping profoundly and talking in its sleep.

"It's complete pandamonium! So much…So much…precious brew….wasted…snore…still good…5-second rule…after hit ground…snore…suck proficiently."

"Uh…excuse me."

"Snurk! Who--Who goes there!" The Pandaren woke with a fury as it started to swing a wooden staff in various directions.

The young man quickly dodged and stepped away. The Pandaren seeing that he wasn't being attacked laid down his staff and yawned. The Pandaren suddenly took notice of the intruder in his presence.

"Who are you?" the Pandaren asked sleepily.

"My name is Siegh and I am--"

"You come here to challenge dojo?" the Pandaren interrupted.

"Uh…no I'm here to apply for a job."

"Hmm…must then go to headmaster. See if he finds you worthy. Down hall, make left turn and watch for harpy droppings."

"Harpy droppings?"

"Yes, very bad if get hit. Very stinky and very nasty, must avoid quickly. Still having grounds sanitized and still trying to potty train harpies. Much stinkiness in the droppings."

"I'll look out for them."

The Pandaren stepped aside as the gate opened. Siegh entered the institution grounds and walked quickly towards the institution itself, keeping in mind what the Pandaren said. As he passed he saw a lone gnome with a shovel and large wheelbarrow.

"How could something so big come from…ugh!" The gnome cursed his luck.

"Incoming! Sccrrk!" a voice shouted from above.

An unpleasant splash was heard hitting the gnome on the sleeves of his clothes. The gnome cursed very loudly and profusely skyward.

Siegh expected the madness outside had no reflection on what was to come. He was however greatly disappointed.

Siegh passed by what seemed to be one of the therapy rooms. He saw a nightelf woman talking to a very pale, old man in elongated robes and wearing what looked like a goat's skull on his head.

"Now Telzan we need to address your necrophilia problem. You know that kind of thing is not accepted in the society we live in today. Just because you think its right doesn't mean everyone else will." The nightelf stated.

"For the last time, I am a necrolyte! I do not commit necrophilia! I use necromancy! There is a difference!" Telzan shouted in outrage.

"But your fascination with dead bodies is a little bit disturbing. Is it because you have relationship problems? Is it because you can't get a _living_ girl?"

"It has nothing to do with that!"

"You're awfully defensive about it."

"I use necromancy to kill people! Not to raise myself a girlfriend!"

"But from the sound of things, I think some companionship might do you some good."

The necrolyte banged his head repeatedly on the side of the wall.

Siegh was perturbed by what he had heard but continued down the hall. As he was walking he saw strange colored smoke coming from one of the rooms. Curious, he looked into the room.

An old troll was mixing some strange liquid in a small cauldron. The colored smoke was being spewed from the cauldron. A dranei looked intently at the troll.

"Are you sure you're the kind of doctor I should be talking to?" A feminine voice came from the Dranei.

"Of course, mon! I be the big doctor back Echo Isle! I have mighty big voo doo! I majored in voodoo back in Troll College. Minored in 'Ward Technologies' and only took seven semesters! No worries! Be happy! You say you have problems with how you look?"

"Yes, back on Draenor I used to be very pretty. But I came into contact with demon magic and it changed me into an inferior sub-species."

The troll doctor stared in confusion at the disturbed Dranei woman.

"It's all very complicated…"

"Well this transformation potion is just the thing you need, wo'mon! Change you back into pretty lady and solve all your problems! Voodoo magic never failed me yet! Ah…It's all ready now. Take small taste…"

The troll witch doctor took a ladle and poured in the luminescent green liquid into a vial. The dranei took the vial and drank the potion with a moment of hesitation.

"Well how do I look?" The dranei woman asked.

"Eh…good! Very good but I think might need to work up the potion a little bit more. Wait! Don't look in mirror just yet! I be right back with more ingredients! We make this all better!"

The troll witch doctor slinked away from the now boar-faced, snake haired dranei.

"Ick…I didn't think I could make it worse. Maybe shouldn't have put in so much Quilboar snout and started with the Tauren hooves instead." The troll witch doctor muttered to himself.

"Excuse me, do you know where the main office?" Siegh asked.

"Ack, mon! Who do ya think you be? Why you be askin for main office? You with Azeroth police force? I tell you my voodoo license is legal in two of the three human regions, mon! You can't accuse me of anything!" The troll started with a shout.

"No…I'm not with the police force."

"Oh! You must be from secret military society looking for psychotic assassins then. You can take your pick two halls down. I suggest going for the one in room 506! Will tear out eye with just two fingers."

"What? I'm not with any military society! I'm looking for the main office so that I can apply for a job!"

"Oh! Ja mon, how could I forget about that ad! Heh…never mind what I just said then. Continue down hall there man until you reach burnt part of hallway. Head boss should be in there. You don't get lost now! I've got to get me some more ingredients from outside. I hear good pickin's outside, heh heh heh…"

The troll ran back inside his room to get a shovel. Siegh now left quickly to get to the main office as fast as he could, ignoring any other "mishaps" that he might encounter in other rooms.

The end of the hall seemed to be in cruel ruin. There were various patches of charred wall on each side of the hallway. Siegh stepped over piles of wooden and stone debris to reach the main office door.

The half clinging door had magically inscribed words printed on the glass. In fluctuating multicolored lettering it spelled: "Dr. SunnyDale's Office".

"I guess this must be the place." Siegh thought to himself.

The clinging door conveniently fell from its last hinge and made a clear path for Siegh. Siegh found a blood elf with a white lab coat behind a large desk. The blood elf was writing furiously and dictating quietly but audibly to himself.

"Dear Vashj…it has been a grueling month for me. For the second time, I find my office in ruins at the hands of goblins! The green wretches will burn dearly for this act! How are things in Outland? Still the same fiery wasteland I hope. It's hard out here running this…'recovery center'. It is becoming even harder to dodge the wary eyes of the blasted Azeroth police force. But I maintain my guise well and the fools still do not realize who I truly am. Our underground operations are running smoothly. We will be able to settle my people here soon. Tell Illidan that I said hello and thank him for the cookies he sent me even though they were a little burnt. Best wishes, Kael--YOU! When did you get here!"

Siegh drew back as the angered blood elf raised himself from his seat. Siegh looked around the room and acted sheepishly.

"Who me?" Siegh replied.

"How long have you stood there?" The blood elf asked menacingly.

"Not long enough to hear your silent self-dictations?"

The blood elf stared at him for a few moments but gradually nodded his head.

"Good, we will leave at that then. State your business! What brings you here in my presence?"

Siegh shuffled around in his small pack and took out the paper ad.

"I'm here to apply for a job."

"Oh is that so?" The blood elf smoothed out from his previous angry tone.

"Do you have any references?"

"Uh…unfortunately I don't." Siegh replied grudgingly.

"You came here without any references on hand?"

"It's just that…"

"Well out with it! I don't have all day! I've got patients to oversee and insolent wretches to burn."

"Um…my references are all dead."

"Dead? How can they _all_ be dead?"

"Well I was previously student in a local mage sanctum. My teachers were all mages from Dalaran. They helped me to get into a Dalaran mage academy to further my studies but unfortunately we all knew what happened there. It was also the same time that all my teachers decided to take a trip back to Dalaran and they ended up getting killed. So that was twice as tragic. I have nowhere else to go now. So I hope you can understand my situation, sir."

"Yes, yes very tragic to what happened to all of the Kirin Tor. But cry me a river, young mage, before you try to play on my sentiments. I am not a man so easily swayed."

"I am sorry to hear that…" Siegh said as he started for the door.

"However I am willing to make an exception in your case. We are a bit understaffed at the moment. So I am willing to hire you. Take a seat."

Siegh saw this as a sign of good faith and luck that he was able to receive the job. Siegh sat in a rickety wooden chair in front of the desk.

"If you will excuse me sir, I didn't get your name."

"You will refer to me as Dr. SunnyDale and only as Dr. SunnyDale! We will make that clear right now."

"But I heard you say something different when you were--"

"What was that?"

"Uh…nothing."

"Exactly my point, it is never wise to question me, boy. Never! Oh so help you, I'll burn you down with all the other incompetent workers here! You will burn so furiously that the very bones in your body will--"

DING! A ringing sound was heard from a strange box like machine. The same Pandaren that Siegh met out in the gate came into the office. The Pandaren pushed a small button upon the machine and opened a small door in the box that revealed a small cooked pie.

"Of all the confounded things to still work in this office, it's that blasted thing! And why are you in here!"

"Lunch hour, Sunny-dono. Warmed up some good pie to go with afternoon brew."

"And drinking on the job! Get out before I burn every furry hair on you that you will look like a giant skinned cat!"

With that Dr. SunnyDale cast a large fireball in the direction of the Pandaren. The Pandaren suddenly disappeared.

"Yikes!"

"Run away!"

"Save the pie!"

Three smaller pandarens scurried away with one holding the pie over its head. Dr. SunnyDale calmed himself and rested back in his seat.

"Blasted pandaren! I hate it when he does that. And I hate that confounded machine too!"

"What is it?" Siegh asked curiously.

"It's a device created by one of my gnome patients. He calls it a 'microwave', a stupid thing to call it if you ask me."

"Huh…"

"But enough of that! We move on to officially inducting you into the SunnyDale institution staff! You must sign some papers first."

From one of the many drawers in his desk, Dr. SunnyDale drew out a large stack of papers. He slammed the papers down upon the desk and handed Siegh a quill.

"Am I supposed to read all of this?" Siegh asked.

"No, you're just suppose to right on that line on the top page." Dr. SunnyDale said as he urged Siegh to sign.

"What does it all say?"

"It is 573 pages of legal documents that states the terms of your employment, wage statements, and eliminates all liability from the institution should you be killed on the job."

"Killed? Why does it need to state that?"

"Well the reason we are understaffed is because all our interns meet…unfortunate accidents. We've run through seven interns just this month. You would be number eight."

"You mean seven people have all ready been--?"

"Never mind that! You said you knew some magic right?"

"Yes, but--"

"Then you should be fine! Just sign the paper and we'll move on."

"Alright but I don't see an ink container or…"

"You must sign it in _blood_."

"You want the signature in blood? Isn't that a little extreme?"

"We're out of colored ink and we need the signature to stand out."

Dr. SunnyDale snatched back the quill from Siegh. He opened one of the other drawers. Siegh could hear skittering sounds from the drawer.

"No please have mercy!" A tiny voice came from one of the drawers.

Dr. SunnyDale stabbed the quill's sharp point down in the drawer and a shriek rang out.

"Oh the pain! The pain! I live only to suffer! Bastard…agh…" The small voice squeaked.

Dr. SunnyDale immediately closed the drawer and handed the quill back to Siegh. Siegh was disturbed at the sight but promptly signed the document. Dr. SunnyDale then took up the paper.

"Well everything is in order then! By the way…what is your name?"

"I am Siegh Light--"

"Oh you must be Lightbringer's fledgling. Tragic at what happened to your father. But you could say that we all could have seen it coming. Arthas was always a traitorous little snot. Take Jaina away from me would he! I would have made him burn! I could have!"

Siegh shook his head immediately.

"Wait! I think you must be mistaken. I'm not Siegh Lightbringer, my surname is Lightringer. It's very close but it's not exactly the same."

"What? Lightringer? Humph…I have to say you humans have the most illogical and strangest names of all creatures. In any case, I'll have to file this with my secretary."

Siegh sensed a magical presence forming inside the office. Siegh turned to see where the magical source came from and instead stared up at a blood elf woman in a red dress.

"Ahh…and there she is now. Siegh meet my secretary, Arizaeleonazeneon Lunasaber, we call her 'Ari' for short."

"It's nice to meet--"

"Ari give Siegh here one of our case files and show him to one of the therapy rooms." Dr. SunnyDale ordered.

"Case files? I haven't been trained in or studied in any psychological fields. I'm a student of magic! I don't know how I can help anyone yet. I don't even have a place to stay!"

"You will live on institution grounds. Ari will have a place set up for you. Exquisite furnishings and comfortable living I assure you. As for your wages, you will be paid 100 gold coins a month."

"Wow that's extremely generous."

"You will be paid upon survival that is. We shall he how it all works out from there."

"Upon survival? You mean won't pay me if--"

"You die or get slaughtered? Absolutely not! I pay well for good employees that can at least hold out for a month. It was all in the fine print on the ad."

Siegh looked intently back at the ad paper in his hand. He could see no such wording that existed upon the paper.

"I don't see anything that says that on here."

"Oh really? Minor technicality, the wording actually exists in an ethereal plane."

Dr. SunnyDale snapped his fingers together and the wording appeared in plane view upon the paper.

"I wish you the best of luck, Siegh Lightringer. You will need all you can get to survive in this place. MWHAHAHA--cough, cough--HAHAHA…alright now away with you and get to work."

Before Siegh could protest anything, he was suddenly warped into another hallway along with Ari. Siegh stood in front of a large metallic door and Ari handed Siegh the paper file and a set of iron keys.

"Okay, you're all set! Your personal lab coat, name tag, and notebook are all inside the room along with your patient. I'll see you during the lunch hour, Siegh. Try not dying until then." Ari giggled.

"Wait! I don't know what to do with this!"

"Oh I wouldn't worry about it too much. A lot of the doctors here don't know what they are doing either! It's learning as you go experience. So you shouldn't have any problem! Farewell, Siegh."

Ari disappeared in an instant and Siegh was left shocked in the sudden rush. But even in the midst of his anxiety and confusion, Siegh took up the keys and faced the metallic door. He was afraid of who or rather what was behind a protective metal door. He set one of the keys into the large keyhole of the door. A perfect fit and Siegh unlocked the metal door. He opened the door embarking in his first step into the madness that is the SunnyDale Institute.


	3. Case File 001: Maiev Shadowsong

**Case File #001: Maiev Shadowsong**

Siegh peered into the room with great caution. He had barely taken a glance before a swarm of daggers flew directly toward his face.

The clanking sound of metal upon metal echoed the room as Siegh had narrowly escaped an unfortunate fate that would have left him with a few new holes in his face. Siegh saw a few of his hairs that were clipped by the daggers floating in the air.

"Damn, I missed…I knew I should have aimed more left!" A voice said coming from a dark corner in the room.

Siegh drew himself more inward and saw a night elf woman in chains.

Siegh was apprehensive to talking to a dangerous patient but mustered enough courage to speak.

"A-A--Are you the patient?" Siegh asked.

"Oh wait…you're not one of the doctor's are you? My apologies, I thought I sensed one of those vile bastards coming here." The night elf women said as she stood more poised and presentable.

"But I am one of the doctors."

"Oh I see…I knew I should have aimed more left." The night elf women cursed under her breath.

"May I ask why you are in this heavily protected room and why are you in those chains?"

"Court order."

"What?"

"I was brought here on a court order by the Alliance Secret Society of Corrections Association and Parliament. ASSCAP for short if I remember correctly. Apparently I portrayed some example of disassociation with reality with my obsessions of revenge. I can't believe they could find me out in Draenor."

"You mean to say they crossed over to another world just to hunt you down?"

"Well I had done the same thing for a certain horned demonic bastard. And they happened to have a branch office working there."

"Uh…I see."

"I don't like to be reminded of my capture however…"

(Flashback, Draenor, Lo Sheng's Hellfire Brewery, 1 month ago)

A beaten, dusty warden walked into a bar. She marched up to the bar table and sat down. A pandaren barkeep came to take her order.

"What's your poison, my fine lavender lady?" The pandaren, Lo Sheng, inquired.

"Something strong and on the rocks" Maiev growled.

"Hmm…Aged Black Dragon Spit with golem cubes?"

"What!"

"Strongest stuff we have."

"Whatever! Just get me the drink!"

The pandaren set off to get the drink. He took a set of gloves, a mask, and a pair of tongs with him as he went in search of the dangerous liquid.

A two headed ogre walked up the bar table where Maiev was sitting.

"Hey pretty lady, why so purple? Hur ha ha…" One of the heads spoke.

Maiev said nothing, just massaged her already aching head.

"You know it looks like you could use some company" The other head belched.

"Hey lady! If you've been with guys who had one head, imagine what you can do with a guy who had two" The two headed ogre laughed loudly.

Immediately the peeved nightelf revealed her deadly hidden glaive and edged it very close between the ogre's legs.

"I am not in the mood for shoddy pick up lines from ogres. But I am gracious enough to allow you to lumber yourself away from my presence in three…two…"

The ogre immediately started to shuffle quickly away. Maiev slowly and patiently drew out one of her daggers. She checked the edges with her fingers tips and then flung it out to the other side of the bar.

A high pitched scream was heard afterwards.

"One." The warden whispered.

The pandaren set down the drink with the tongs he held in his hands. Maiev took the drink up quickly and drunk deeply.

"Sigh…it's…good…hic…how much do I owe you?" Maiev asked drunkenly.

"Oh nothing! Nothing at all…but are you driving?"

"What?"

"I asked are you driving."

"No, why?"

"Oh we have strict DUI rules here in Draenor. No drinking while operating large felhounds or nether drakes and things like that."

"Well…thank you for the concern…" Maiev muttered dismissively.

"In fact, you seem to be headed somewhere."

"What? No, I'm--"

The pandaren quickly slipped shackles on Maiev's wrists with lightning fast paws.

"I think you're going on a ride in the near future…to jail!"

"What!"

"Maiev Shadowsong under the order of the Alliance Secret Society of Corrections Association and Parliament, ASSCAP, you are under arrest for portraying disassociation with reality through obsessive behavior and injuring an officer of ASSCAP!"

"What!"

"Agent Bumbley! Are you seriously injured?"

The ogre limped into the scene with great pains.

"I can't feel my left buttock!" The ogre whined.

"Well I hope worker's comp covers that…come along now!"

The pandaren started to drag off the confused Maiev.

"This is insane!" Maiev protested

"According to this warrant, you're the only one who's really insane. Come along now!"

(End Flashback…)

"What stung worse was the sheer irony of my arrest! I was jail warden sitting in jail! And for what!"

Siegh took a few cautious steps away from his patient. He was unsure if she had any more daggers hidden on her. Still he made his way to a chair which he settled himself on and tried desperately to look professional.

He opened up the paper file that Ari had given him previously. He first noticed the large bold red lettering on the paper saying to "watch out for projectile daggers while approaching this patient".

"That would have been helpful a little beforehand…" Siegh muttered to himself.

"How long have you been in here?" Siegh asked the obviously dangerous patient.

"I've lost count after five miserable days." Maiev replied dryly.

"If you were locked in here for five days then how did you manage to sneak daggers into the room?"

"You would be amazed where I can hide things."

Siegh was becoming increasingly disturbed with his patient. With each passing moment Siegh had already started to regret signing his contract to Dr. SunnyDale. It would seem that he had taken up a deal with a demon that lacked any sense of remorse. But he had only himself to blame to be put into such a desperate situation.

"I still don't see the reason for the chains. They seem to be a bit excessive as you're already in this room."

"They're magic restrainers. It keeps me from blinking out of here and causing a mass slaughter of everyone who resides in this building. You would be hearing more blood-curdling screams here than you would ever want to hear in a lifetime."

Maiev started to glare maliciously at the new doctor. Siegh averted from her gaze by pretending to write something down in the case file.

"I'm seeing a lot of resentment gathered up in your regular mannerisms." Siegh attempted to analyze.

"Resentment is not a word worthy enough to describe how I am feeling right now."

"Would you care to explain why?"

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Well I guess we could start with your childhood?"

Maiev finally settled herself on the long padded bedding that was set up for her.

"Well I still remember hunting with my girlfriends in the woods. Happy and cheerful those times were. I must have not been more than the 700 years old at the time."

Siegh slapped himself on the head. He forgot that elves had _very _long lives. Still he listened intently in fear of having daggers thrown at his head again for interrupting. He quietly suffered as Maiev droned on for several hours.

"And then I flowered into my adolescence bathed in the blood of the first kill of the morning…"

"Ah…I don't mean to disturb your recollections but we could move on to more primary memories that associate more to your…'problem'."

"I do not have a problem."

"But clearly--"

"I do not have _any_ problems." Maiev pronounced firmly as she glared again at Siegh.

Siegh averted his eyes again by jumping back to the case file. He actually took the time to read it again and notice a few lines mentioning the name "Illidan".

"It says here that you have some issues with a nightelf by the name of Illidan?" Siegh asked.

At the very mention of the name, Maiev shot up out of her once docile position and came very close to Siegh's face.

"That bastard ruined my life more times than one!"

"Huh?"

"First, he tried to kill my younger brother, Jarod! Then he went on to create another pool of magical after all the hell we went through trying to destroy the first one! I wanted to have him killed but no! Furion wanted to have a life-time imprisonment! We're night elves! Do you know how long it takes for us to die by age! But that was fine! Just fine! I volunteered to watch that bastard for a millennium or more to come! I would watch and torture the bastard for that long if I had to! And I did! You wouldn't believe the number of whips and burning candle wax I had to go through just to see him squirm! I ask do you know why he went blind?"

"I thought demon hunters ritually blind themselves to--"

Siegh stopped when he saw an unnatural grin come across Maiev's face. Maiev took a few breaths before she started again.

"I was fine being stuffed up in a cave for a couple thousand years. Until Tyrande had to come along." Maiev continued to rant.

Maiev started to pace across the room now.

"She came in while I was away and slaughtered my girls when they were just minding their own business."

"So…where were you at the time."

(Flashback, Barrow Deeps, several months ago…)

Maiev was outside in the eastern area of the caves. She was conversing with a Druid of the Claw, Boogie.

"For the last time Boogie, I do not know where your chewing shoe went." Maiev repeated tiredly.

"Grawr!" Boogie answered angrily.

"It could be anywhere by now! Are you sure one of those Kobolds didn't take it?"

"Grawr! Grr! Grawr!"

"You're saying a gigantic pandaren took your shoe, Boogie?"

"Grawr!"

"By Elune…where in this cave can a gigantic pandaren possibly hide!"

"Grawr! Grark! Grawrrr!"

"Where did you find that shoe in the first place?"

"Grawr…grawr. Grawk!"

"Ugh…I can't believe you put that in your mouth!"

"Grawrg grawk!"

"Listen, I've already missed my watch duty for this, Boogie. Wherever this shoe is you're going to have to find it yourself because I don't have any more time to spend to look for it."

"Grawr! Grar! Growar!"

"I'll be sure to inform her of that, Boogie. But for now I must take my leave."

(End Flashback)

"Wait, are you saying you missed your watch because you were talking to a bear?" Siegh asked in confusion.

"It was a Druid of the Claw." Maiev corrected.

"But how were you able to understand him? He was after all in bear form not--"

"I was in a cave for about 10,000 years. After a while, you start to pick things up."

Siegh just shook his head slowly and wrote down some notes in the case file again. He thought that his patient had gone insane long before her arrest.

"So Tyrande freed Illidan and you found this out only later?"

"Yes, it was a nice surprise Tyrande left me. After 10,000 years, I was expecting some sort of greeting at least! Maybe a nice pie and some hygiene products from above. But instead I find my prison in ruins, blood spattered everywhere, and she stole some of my clothes! This was just like when we were younger! I was rooming with her for a while and she did the exact same thing!"

"I see…"

"I still can't believe her! Damn her and Illidan! If I had the chance to get my hands on either of them alone I would…ARGH!"

Maiev started to rip the padding from the bedding with her bare hands and started to toss it around the room.

Siegh felt that it would be a good time to leave. After it seems like he had made some form of progress. She was obviously venting her range openly…

Siegh quickly shuffled away to the door and let himself out. As he was out in the hallway he pushed the heavy metallic door shut and locked it quickly.

How many more patients were like this, he wondered.


End file.
